He was 35 and he was eager to have a child. His brother who has three children would always teased him about not having children. He often lied by telling them he was not ready.
His father question him whether the fault was mine and he told his father that he was not sure. His father told him that I should get checked out.
A gynaecologist confirmed nothing is wrong with me and suggested that my boyfriend see a urologist; hesitant at first, but eventually went.
He travelled to the states and I fell difficulty in paying the rent and other bills. I befriend one of his friends, who gave me money to cover some bills.
His friend suggested that when he comes back to Jamaica he could repay him. Another time I was short in paying my rent. I did not want to ask his friend for help again, because the first time he gave me money he told his girlfriend that he had helped me out. I was embarrassed when he told his girlfriend. So I asked another guy.
The other guy told me that he does not give women money for free. I told him I would pay him back because I was expecting to get my partner money.
He came by my house during COVID. I was about to eat, so I offered him dinner. I asked him again for help. That man took out his wallet and said to me, "I have the money here. I don't want it back if I give you the money, but give me something for it."
I knew that he wanted sex. I asked him if he had a condom and he said no. We stayed together and he started to tell me how good-looking I am and having sex would be between us only. He said no one would know. I thought about it, then I decided that I will do it this one time.
The rent is $40,000 per month. When I started to have sex with him, it was painful, but the pains disappeared. He told me he would not discharge in me, but he did. I couldn't push him off me. A few days after, I felt itching around my vagina and I had to go and see the doctor. I was so scared. When I told him about it, he laughed and said that I did not get that from him.
Sometimes when I think that I have been with my boyfriend for the last two years and that has never happened to me, I feel disgusted with myself. The doctor prescribed medication and told me that this could have been passed on to me from a sexual partner, but it did not have to be. He told me what type of clothing I should wear, and that is what I have been doing.
I have learned my lesson.
I have promised myself to be independent and never ask any one of these men for help in the future. I am expecting my boyfriend to be back before Easter and I am anxiously awaiting his return.
D.
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