I have four children and I'm in an unstable relationship. I had my first child at age 15. I had many struggles as the father didn't help much.
He is helping the child now as she is going to high school. I had my second child at age 18, as I had left my mother's home to live with a man. I have regretted this.
I was just trying to take pressure off my mother. This was a big mistake, as I was still young and not ready to live with a man.
I got pregnant for that man and I developed a hatred for him. I begged my mother to take me back. I had planned to do an abortion but I didn't have the money.
That man encouraged me to carry that child and now he hardly wants to do anything for him. After that baby was born, the man got arrested and was sentenced.
I had it really hard. I had to do undesirable jobs to care for my children with the help of my mom.
Then I met guy number three, who I also moved in with and ended up getting pregnant for. That child is now living with him and his mother. I left that relationship because he was unfaithful.
I got a job where I lived on the premises and I met a guy who I liked. He had a woman, but at that time I didn't care as I had lost a man to another woman before.
We were involved for a while. Then I left that area, deciding to give guy number three another chance in my life, only to find out that I was pregnant by guy number four. Eventually, I moved in with him.
Now this guy's girlfriend broke up with him soon after I found out that I was pregnant. In my mind I was going to live a perfect life with this man, but it turned out to be disastrous.
When I was four months pregnant he hit me, and I was so frightened, as he had never hit me before. I then found out that was the reason his previous girlfriend had left him.
Pastor, this man has put me through hell. In the beginning he told me he had no children, only for me to find out that he had a four-month-old baby. I was so distressed.
Anyway, I forgave him and decided to stay as I was tired of having to start new relationships. When I was six months pregnant, I found out that he had another girlfriend.
I felt so trapped, as I was carrying his baby and didn't know what to do. I decided to stay once more.
After I had my baby, this man put me through hell. He would be on the phone with this other girl late in the night and didn't care that I was hearing him.
He moved to another house so that he could accommodate this girl when our baby was four months old.
But he would still come to the house to have sex with me and I had no other choice as he was the one giving me money.
Two months after he left, he came to the house to have sex, but an argument developed about the friends I was texting, both male and female.
He told me that his girls were better than me and in return I said my men were better than him, even though I didn't have a man. He beat me badly that night and left.
A week later he had an accident and almost died. After his release from hospital, he came back to live at the house. The girl left him because he was beating her.
But he got that girl pregnant a year later. After learning that she was pregnant, I became so distraught. I stayed for two months and then I left.
After that he kept begging me and I went back. And it has been like that; every time I leave, I go back.
I love this man but he is a disaster in my life. I desire to serve the Lord but monetary issues are holding me back, as I don't believe in doing bartending and going to church at the same time.
It's hard for me to get a proper job as I have no subjects. I can read and write well and I'm trainable as I learn very fast. I'm booked to go to HEART Trust/NTA later this year.
On the other hand, I need a better life and a man who will marry me and love me regardless of my four children by four different men.
I need prayers and advice as I'm a lost sheep. I grew up in a Christian home and I was baptised at an early age. Pastor, please, reply soon as I don't want to make any more wrong decisions.